Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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