Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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