Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize