The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
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Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
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I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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