I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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