your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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