so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize