Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize