Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize