I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
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No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
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Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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