dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize