I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
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driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
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I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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