just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
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walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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