: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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