You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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