He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
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Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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