I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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