shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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