Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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