I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
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I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
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I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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