I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize