college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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