Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
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Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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