You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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