i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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