i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize