4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
So. Much. Porn.
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