Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize