i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
my being single is dangerous.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
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I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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