bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Girls should come with a carfax report
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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