Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
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So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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