toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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