Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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