you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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