He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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