So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
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Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
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I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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