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I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
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