Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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