Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
zippers are such a cool invention
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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