Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were destined to go to rehab together
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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