3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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