I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The uberlube is also flammable
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize