I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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