Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
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You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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