Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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