She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
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I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
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I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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