new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just shotgunned beers for America
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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