Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
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Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
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when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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