I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
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we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
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It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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