Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
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He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
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And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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